It's been about a month since I've started playing Second Life now, finally able to do so thanks to the more powerful laptop which RI gave me. And it's been thoroughly, thoroughly addictive - more so than There, because of the greater ease of creation, and the abundance of creativity that's oozing out of every digital crevice and pore of the game's shiny skin.
I'm at an odd point in my life. To all intents and purposes I should be remarkably happy - I've got a great job that gives me a good deal of latitude and freedom to define what I want to do, all the tools I could possibly want for self-expression, a good career track record thus far, both at VJC and now here at RI, a greater amount of time for personal exploration and growth, a great gym trainer, a great hairstylist, good friends both old and new, entry into PLU Core, a good start to the gay teachers' group.
And yet - more often than not I'm tense, taking shallow breaths, and hardly enjoying
myself! I'm fearful that I'm not doing enough at work, anxious that my contemporaries are achieving so much more and living life larger than I am. It's what I was talking about with Cynthia yesterday over morning tea - where do I place my own goalposts and how far should I aim? Cynthia suggested that it needn't be an either-or scenario - one doesn't need to aim for riches or poverty. And she's probably right - but I still need to figure out for myself just what it is that I'm content with.
I wonder if these issues occur to my peers- maybe they spend less time worrying about such inanities and just get on with the task of making money or living or having sex or doing whatever it is that people in their 30s do.
One of the things that I'm getting a bit better at is lessening the expectations that I have of friends - I'm now at the point where it's nice if friends call, but I'm fine if they don't, because I have my own set of interests and preoccupations. Being addicted to Second Life is a great help, in this case. I am sooo grateful for small blessings.
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